Okay, I've got to admit that God is nothing if not persistant. I'm in the middle of one of those valley experiences as the religious groups like to call it. The world would say that I am trying to "redefine" myself. Who cares what you call it? The fact is, it stinks because none of us likes to be stretched, tested or grown. However, that is exactly what the Christian life is all about. Jesus saves us right where we are, in all the muck and mire that we have spent weeks, months or years rolling around in and He picks us up, cleans us up, forgives us and gives us hope for an abundant life here and an unbelievable life after death. Why He would choose to give His life to make it possible for us, I have no idea. But He did and He does everyday. Recently, I've been praying for God to show me what in the world He has planned for me. I feel tossed and turned like a boat on the ocean, unable to find the North Star to lead me home. I've never been strong in the faith area. As an adult, it's been just me to take care of me. I've never married, so if the car breaks down, I'm the one who has to figure out how to get it fixed. If there's an unexpected expense, I'm reworking my budget into the late hours of the night to come up with a way to take care of it. I've always had one person to fall back on and that person would be...me. You know the expression, "be careful what you wish for"? Well, take it from me, be careful. I've always envied people who have a strong gift of faith. They seem to be able to give their problems to God and then just wait on Him to act. How can they do that?!? Where are the feet that we are suppose to put into action in order for the prayers to be answered? Just in case you are thinking, "God helps them who help themselves", you and I both are wrong. That phrase is from a movie, The Bells of Saint Mary, if I'm not mistaken. Back to what I need to share. I now find myself in the position of not being able to fall back on me to provide and protect me. That is a terrifying place to be. That means that I have to depend on God for every moment of every day to get me through this period of time. Terrifying! I know that God will take care of others. I have no doubt that when I pray for my family and my friends that God will provide exactly what they need at exactly the perfect time. But to be perfectly honest, I'm not 100% sure about that for myself. Why can't I believe the same things for me? Then, over the past week, God has been trying to tell me something. I admit that I'm slow sometimes, I just didn't realize that I was so headstrong against hearing. I've been told or heard the following sentence 3 times in the last 5 days. This is what God has been whispering in my ear, the thing I wouldn't hear..."To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did." I've always marveled at Christians who display amazing faith. There's a reason that the Bible has the book of Job and not the book of Angela. I wouldn't have had the faith to continue to hang in there without questioning God as to why He hated me so badly. Nope, Job just trusted in faith that God had a plan that was bigger than Job's pain. Talk about a man of faith! Since I've never been strong in faith, apparently God has decided that it's time to grow me. I know the results will be mind boggling. However, in the mean time, I dread the stretching. Growth always hurts. Babies cry when their teeth grow in. Athletes have muscle cramps when they are building up their frames. Women lose their figures and get stretch marks in order to bring life into the world. When I was a child I remember having terrible leg cramps that the doctors said I would just have to grow through and endure until I reached my full height. Growth is hard, no doubt. Yet, without growth, we become stunted and can actually lose the desire to grow. We, like plants that in are too small of containers, actually begin to believe that we cannot grow anymore. It's a lie that Satan loves to tell us and it's easy to believe. So readers, my growth spurt has started. If it's going to happen, then there is no way, except for God to make it happen. It's truly in His hands because I can't do this one. My journey has begun...
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